Sempiternal
by FuckTheReaper
Summary: Jade is struggling to see her self-worth. The voices in her head keep telling her to take her own life. It seems like the most logical explanation to end her pain and suffering. Enter Tori Vega, the woman who wants to prove her wrong. Jori AlbumFic- "Sempiternal" by Bring Me The Horizon. Anti-Suicide Project. Let's spread the word.
1. Can You Feel My Heart?

**Hey guys. So I haven't given up on 'Losing Grip', I promise, but this is a new project I'm working on as part of my 2014 goal, and the sooner I get it out there, the better.**

**I've had a lot of things going on recently that have really tested me as a person and as a friend. Things that have almost torn me apart, things that have almost killed me- literally. To be honest, for the last month and a half, I've felt like I've been living in hell. Seems like everything that ****_can _****go wrong, ****_has _****gone wrong. I've almost lost friends, I've almost lost myself. I've been a mess, I really have. And a few days ago, just before the new year, I snapped. I decided I wasn't standing for this crap anymore, and I'm gonna stand up and speak about it. I'm gonna do something about it. So this project, this AlbumFic that I'm doing, is going to be part of my 2014 New Year's Goal. This is ****something extremely close to my heart, that has gotten to a point now where I can't hold it in anymore. Something needs to be done about it.**

**About a week ago, I found out that one of my readers, who has also become quite a good friend of mine, tried to commit suicide. Wound up in hospital for a few days, and was in a pretty bad way. I know for a fact that she is ****_not _****okay, no matter how much she tries to convince me. I've been checking in on her constantly, making sure she's okay, that she's not going to harm herself again, because I'm ****_terrified _****that I'm going to lose her. I simply refuse to let it happen. I just won't stand for it. I've had enough. At the same time I was finding all of this out, I was struggling with suicidal thoughts and near attempts, and then I had someone else threatening self harm, and that's where I snapped.**

**I'm over people trying to hurt themselves.  
I'm sick of people thinking death is the only answer. I'm just sick of this...**

**So here's my goal for 2014: Stamp out suicide. I'm gonna get the message out to as many people as possible. It's ridiculous. I know I've been down that path, where I've almost done it, but forget this. I'm not standing for it anymore. All of these people I have around me that think it's the easy way out, that it's better for them to be dead, they don't know what they're talking about. It makes me absolutely sick. What could possibly be so good about tearing your own arms open and slowly bleeding to death? How is that easy? It's not. It's just not. Now I know there's other ways to do it; I've considered them before too. That's just an example. I'm sorry if any of this offends any of you guys, I'm sorry if it scares you, but I'm not sugar-coating it. This is the harsh reality for some people, and ****_it needs to stop_****.  
I'm not gonna do anything stupid to myself. But I ****_am _****going to do everything in my power to make sure no one else does. And I'm gonna do it how I do it best. I'm gonna write about it. I'm gonna turn their thinking around. I'll make people see that they are worth it, despite what other people think. All you need is just one person who cares enough to stick with you through all the struggles, no matter how many times you feel like calling it quits. Fortunately for me, there have been a few people who have played a crucial role in maintaining my sanity and keeping me alive in recent times, who deserve to be recognised.**

**Metatron85, Mysticparadise21, PenNamesAreThereForAReason, Azentra, Sisi427, NonieBee, PowerPlayer2010, shadowhunterakira...all of these amazingly beautiful people have helped me out in so many ways, so many. I can't even put into words how grateful I am to each of them. The things they've done, the words they've spoken...Now it's time for me to help all of ****_you _****out there find your support. Anybody out there who is struggling with life, anybody who feels like giving up, throwing it all away, ****_don't_****. It's not worth it, it really isn't. Every chapter that I post in this story, I'm going to tell you that. I'm going to make you all see just how special you really are. Yes, the people I mentioned above have saved my life, but so have ****_all _****of you. You guys, my readers, my fans. Every one of you has pulled me through. Every review you leave, every PM I get...It makes it worth getting up in the morning, even when I just want to hide back under the covers and stick my middle finger up to the world. If it weren't for you guys...I really would be dead. I'm not just saying that to make you feel sympathy, or to make you feel bad about your own personal situations, I'm just being brutally honest here. You guys are my life, and without you, I'm nothing. Every single one of you is important to me. If anything happened to ****_any _****of you, I'd be deeply affected. Just keep that in mind. You ****_are _****special.**

**Ok, so this story. As I mentioned before, it's not a SongFic, but rather an AlbumFic, as I like to call it. Each chapter will be named after a different song from the album 'Sempiternal' by a band some of you may know called Bring Me The Horizon. These guys have been my saving grace lately, and if any of you decide to check them out, you'll see that their vocalist has been through the same struggles most of us have been through. I was listening to this album the other day, and the story just started forming itself in my head. Originally I wasn't going to go ahead with it, because it is semi-autobiographical, but after some thinking, and some inspirational pushes from friends, I decided to give it the green light. I think I've said all I need to for the time being, so let's get into it. It's gonna be an emotional ride guys, and just remember: if any of you out there need someone to talk to about their struggles, my inbox is always open. And I do respond to everyone.**

**Thank you guys, I love you all.**

* * *

___"I'm scared to get close, and I hate being alone. I long for that feeling to not feel at all. The higher I get, the lower I'll sink. I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim."  
_

___ ..._

Darkness. Sorrow. Despair. Hopelessness. Hatred. Emptiness.

A hollow body.

The ghost of a woman...

Jade closed her eyes and allowed the waves to crash over her. The ice cold water dragged her under, pulling her into the depths of the unknown. Her nostrils and lungs slowly began to fill with the crystal blue liquid, and her senses slowly failed as shadows danced before her eyes. They had won. The voices had finally taken control and convinced her not to fight back. To just let go and let death take hold of her. She could hear voices in the distance screaming her name, calling out to her, but she couldn't answer them. She couldn't reach out to them. She was powerless. There was nothing Jade could do. She was drowning. And she welcomed it. There wasn't any pain now. She was free. She wouldn't have to suffer anymore. She could just fade away and never feel anything ever again. It was so much easier this way.

The voices began to quieten the lower she sank, and her thoughts turned towards her parents.

_'I'm so sorry...' _she silently spoke, growing weak. _'But I can't do this anymore. Please, forgive me...'_

The voices stopped, and Jade knew that it was almost over. Her friends would never get to her in time. She was too far out, too far gone. She remembered the look of horror on Tori's face when the waves came crashing down on her. She had screamed at her to move, but Jade had just held her arms out and fallen backwards. Something inside of her had snapped in that split moment, and she had given up. The endless torture that her mind constantly gave her had become so overpowering, so overwhelmingly agonising, that it just had to stop. It had to end. Jade couldn't take it anymore. Her heart couldn't take anymore pain. _It just had to stop..._

* * *

Tori ran, her legs carrying her as fast as possible. She had to get to Jade. How could she have been so stupid? Why hadn't she seen the signs? Jade had been depressed for a long time, it was plain obvious. Even a blind man could see it. But Tori hadn't known the extent of the raven-haired woman's suffering, and now...now...

Tori reached the edge where land meets sea and continued to run, splashing water with every step. She and Jade weren't exactly the best of friends, but Tori cared about her, and she wasn't about to let anything bad happen to her. Tori Vega was not one to watch people suffer, no matter how nice or how mean they were to her. Jade was in trouble, and Tori was going to help her. If anything happened to her...

Tori lunged forwards and began swimming freestyle towards Jade; hoping, _praying _she reached her in time.

* * *

Jade felt cold. So cold. Her body was numb; her muscles weak. Her entire existence was slipping away. This was the end. A small smile crossed Jade's lips as she realised this. She would never have to feel again. She would never have to hurt again. No more being seen as a failure and a disappointment, as worthless and pathetic. No more sorrow. No more hatred. No more _fear_...

Warm hands gripped her shirt, and she felt herself being pulled forwards. Warmth. So much warmth. Was this what it felt like to die? Jade had never thought she'd ever use the word "beautiful" in a sentence, but as she felt herself being pulled towards the light, it was the only word her mind could form.

_'Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful...'_

* * *

Tori's hands found the woman's shirt and she held on tightly, pulling her out from underwater. Jade's eyes were closed, and her skin was paler than ever. Her lips had turned blue; she wasn't breathing.

"Jade!" Tori cried, wrapping an arm around the woman's waist. She began swimming backwards, one-armed, towards the shore. Her heart was pounding. Jade wasn't moving. Jade couldn't die. There was just _no way_ she could die.

"Jade stay with me," Tori pleaded, adjusting her grip. "Don't die on me. Don't you _dare_ die on me."

* * *

As soon as she hit land, Tori had Jade on her back, and began administering CPR.

"Come on Jade," she growled, pressing her hands over the woman's heart. "Live." Beck ran to her side.

"Tori, what's-"

"Stay back!" the half-latina shouted, with tears falling down her face. She continued pumping Jade's chest. "Jade! Come on!"

By now a large crowd had begun to gather around them, and Tori was growing frantic.

"Back off! Give her some space!" Beck ordered, waving a hand towards the shocked onlookers. Everyone backed away slightly, while Cat, Robbie, Andre and Trina inched closer.

"Oh my God, Jade!" Cat squealed, burying her face in Robbie's shoulder.

"It's okay Cat," Beck said calmly, in an attempt to soothe the girl. "She's gonna be okay." He shot a worried glance at Tori, who was still trying to get Jade to wake up. "Rob, call an ambulance," he directed.

"Already on it," Trina spoke, watching her sister work. She could see the lines of worry etched into her forehead as she made compression after agonising compression. She couldn't stand to see Tori like that. Jade clearly meant something important to her. It stemmed beyond a simple friendship; Trina could see it in the girl's eyes. Did Tori-

"Yes, hello, we need an ambulance, now," she shouted into the phone. "Venice Beach..."

She continued answering the woman's questions on the other line. She shot another glance at Tori, and then down at Jade, who was still unconscious.

_'Please Jade, wake up. Tori needs you...'_

* * *

"Jade!" Tori roared, slapping her palms on the raven-haired woman's chest. "Why won't you wake up?!"

Her body shook with her sobs, but she refused to give up. Jade couldn't die. Jade West was a fighter. Wasn't she? Tori recalled the look Jade had given her before she was pulled under. She'd looked so defeated, so helpless. It was as if she wanted this. Did Jade _want_ to die? And if she did, _why_?

It didn't matter though, because Tori wasn't going to give Jade the satisfaction of just giving up. Jade was going to live, and she was going to do it _now_.

She pinched Jade's nose and then tipped the woman's head back, pulling her chin down to open her mouth.

_'I will _not_ let you die Jade West.'_

Tori leaned down and covered Jade's mouth with her own, breathing into her lungs.

_'Live.'_

* * *

The light that Jade was being pulled towards faded into darkness. Was she in heaven? No, she couldn't be. This wasn't how her parents had described it in their preaching. They had always described it as being beautiful and serene, and-

This was nothing like they had said it would be. Not that she believed in it anyway. But surely if she were dead, surely if she had really gone to "heaven", it wouldn't hurt like this, would it? Her throat burned, her eyes stung, she couldn't breathe. This wasn't heaven.

This was hell.

Jade tried to scream, tried to call out to someone, _anyone_, to make the pain go away. She had thought drowning herself would make it hurt less, that it would be quick, easy. But all she felt was an intense ache in her chest, as if someone were pressing down on it. Pressure, and then a brief release, and then pressure again. It was agonising. She just wanted it to end. The only feeling she wanted was to not feel anything at all. She wanted the pain to go away. She wanted the voices to go away. She wanted to-

Air flooded into her lungs, filling her chest with an overwhelming warmth. Her heart began pounding in her ears, and she felt herself being pulled back to reality. Back to the land of the living. Back to-

Jade's eyes flew open and she began coughing up water, gasping for air.

"Jade!" Tori exclaimed, gently rolling her onto her side. "Jade, it's okay. You're okay now." Tanned fingers began brushing dark hair from Jade's face, and deep brown eyes looked down at her.

"T-T-Tori..." Jade stammered, shaking violently. "Wh-wh-what-"

"Shh, it's okay," Tori whispered, gently stroking her hair. Her hands were so warm. Jade found herself reaching for the brunette. Tori pulled Jade into her lap and wrapped a towel around her, holding her close. Jade buried her face in the half-latina's chest and began sobbing.

"I was...I just...I..."

"It's okay Jade," Tori soothed, rubbing a hand up and down her back. "You're safe now."

* * *

**Spread the word people. Let's make a difference.  
**

**Chapter 2- House Of Wolves, coming soon.**


	2. House Of Wolves

**Wow. This story is already doing great things. This is absolutely incredible. I honestly cannot believe so many people have been reading and responding to this already, and we're only one chapter in! I'm honestly lost for words...This is so beautiful. It's everything I ever wanted. It feels good to know that I'm doing something right for a change, that I'm not letting people down or feeling like I'm nothing but a worthless, hopeless, useless piece of dirt that just disappoints everyone all the time. I've actually found something I'm ****_good_****at. And it brings tears to my eyes knowing that. I've gotten ****_17 reviews _****for one freaking chapter, that's a whole new record for me. I've had PMs from readers talking to me about their thoughts and feelings about the story so far; one reader has even shared their own personal experiences with me about their struggles with suicidal thoughts. So many people are affected by this and yet no one does a single damn thing to try and stop it. It just makes me so angry. Why do people ignore it? Why do people just write it off as nothing, and say that the people who are hurting themselves are just "emos" and are "doing it for attention"? Pardon the French here, but ****_WHAT THE FUCK WOULD THEY KNOW? _****They have ****_no idea_****what goes on inside the head of someone who wants to end their life. They will ****_never_****truly understand until ****_they're_****the ones crying at the bottom of a shower holding a razor in their hand, fighting back the urge to cut their arms open because they feel like nobody loves them, like nobody understands, like no one will miss them if they're gone, like it's the only option they have left, because the voices in their head are just constantly ****_beating _****them senseless, filling their head with lies that have become what they believe to be the truth because it's all they've heard every day for as long as they can remember. The voices never stop. They won't ever go away, but you know what I've learnt? You ****_can_****hit the mute button. You ****_can_****make the voices shut up, at least for a little while. You ****_can _****regain power over the thoughts. You just have to know ****_how._**

**This is a method that works for me. It may or may not work for some of you, but I'm sharing it anyway because there may be someone out there who needs this. And if I can help them out, good.**

**Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. Whatever you do, don't stop breathing. That's the most important part of this whole exercise. Next, if you're standing, pacing, walking in circles, don't. Stop, and either sit or lay down, whichever you prefer. Just make yourself comfortable. Keep breathing. Clear your head of those thoughts (easier said than done, I know, but just try). Think of someone you look up to, whether it be your favourite musician, actor/actress, family member, boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife etc. Now, I know this may sound a little weird, maybe even a little crazy, but try to envision them there, telling you that you can make it through, that you can do this; telling you not to give up. Listen to your favourite band, if you think it might help. Do whatever it takes. Keep breathing. And most importantly, **_**do not give up on me.**_**Stay strong, hold on, and take my hand. The whole reason I'm here is to make sure you guys make it through another day. So please, don't ever give up. I know exactly what you're going through, and I know it feels like the end of the world, and you think no one cares, that you're not worth it, that you're never gonna do anything right. Stop thinking it. **_**I **_**care, **_**I **_**think you're worth it, and right now, you **_**are**_**doing something right. You're reading this. You're showing me your support, which lets me know that **_**I'm **_**doing something right, which inspires **_**me**_**to keep on going, which helps me to help **_**you **_**to keep on going (that made so much more sense in my own head). And hopefully, you're seeing that I want you to live. I've said it before, and I'll say it a million times more, you guys are my life. You give me the strength to carry on when all I wanna do is surrender. Well now it's time for me to give back to you what you've given to me.**

**I know right now, there are probably people reading this, who are just moments away from ending their own life, from cutting themselves, or taking a whole lot of pills, or whatever. Trust me, I've been in that position. People reach out for that one final thing that they hope will miraculously save them. They may not believe that it will, but they still do it. It's a natural human reaction. I'm telling you, if you're reading this and you're one of those people, please, **_**please**_**, just put the blade down. Throw away the pills. **_**Don't **_**let the voices in your head win. **_**Don't **_**let them tell you that you deserve to die, that the world will be better off without you. Because they're wrong. I'm here to tell you that they are **_**so **_**wrong. Don't **_**ever **_**give up. It may not mean much to some of you, because you don't all know me on a personal basis, but I love every single one of you. Every flaw, every imperfection, **_**every single scar on your body**_**, every breath you take. I love **_**everything**_**about **_**every one of you**_**. The fact that you've made it **_**this**_**far, only proves to me just how strong you really are. You're my heroes, and I love you. Now stand the fuck up, throw your middle fingers up in the air, and scream to the skies, "YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!"**

**And enjoy, the next ****installment****of this story.**

**And also, a special shout-out to Lucas98. You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that I'm your favourite author. It's more than just a few simple words to me. So thank you, it's an honour that I shall cherish for as long as I live :)**

**P.S. Before I forget, I should probably warn you all that there will be some slight mention of uh...how do I put this? Basically there are some references to Catholic faith in this chapter, and some mild insults (blasphemy?) towards said faith. Just in case any of my readers are religious or anything, I don't want to cause any offence. It's just part of the story, and also a major theme in the album that inspired this fic. So again, sorry to anyone who may be offended. **

**P.P.S. For anyone who is interested in putting a face to this crazy author, you can head on over to my profile now (it may not have updated itself as of yet, forgive me if it hasn't), and see for yourselves. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm not the nicest person to look at, but whatever. I just know that there are some people out there who are curious so...Yeah. And I left a special little message there for all of you too :D**

**Anyway, shutting up now. Prepare yourselves for another intense chapter.**

* * *

_"Show me your face, show me a reason to think my soul can be saved if I sell you my sins. I'm going blind, but one thing's clear. Death is the only salvation for me."_

_..._

Tori held Jade's hand as she slept, refusing to leave her side. The raven-haired woman lay on her side in the hospital bed, breathing softly. Tori watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest, remembering how close she'd come to losing her. Tears sprang to her eyes as she recalled that feeling of helplessness she had felt, as she watched Jade being dragged under by the waves. So many questions flooded her mind: why did Jade do it? Why was she so depressed? What if she hadn't made it to Jade in time? What if she _had_ drowned? Tori took a shaky breath, trying to calm herself. She tried to be optimistic. She _had_ made it to Jade in time, and Jade _hadn't_ drowned. She was okay. Except that Jade _wasn_'t okay, and Tori knew it. No person who was "okay" would try to drown themselves like that. No person who was "okay" would surrender that easily. No person who was "okay" would be muttering "just let me die" in the back of an ambulance on the way to the hospital like Jade was. No. Jade was far from okay. The way she clung to Tori's hand was further proof of that. Tori only wished she knew _why_.

Jade made a whimpering sound, and Tori squeezed the woman's hand.

"Tori?" Jade called, reaching out to her for the second time today.

"I'm right here Jade," Tori whispered, pulling her chair closer to the bed. She reached forward with her free hand and brushed Jade's dark hair from her face. Their eyes met, and both girls froze. Tori watched as Jade quickly dragged her eyes away, trying to hide her face from her, trying to hide her feelings. But it was too late. Tori had seen the desperation in those pale green eyes. The fear, the endless nightmare. The desire for an end. Jade was in so much pain, but she refused to show it. She had been hiding it for so long, keeping it bottled up inside, refusing to let anyone in. Now, Tori had seen it all, and she was determined to find out why. Why did Jade not want anyone to know about her struggles? Why did she always push people away? Why did she feel as if death was the only way out? Tori needed to know, and she needed to know _now_, before Jade tried pulling _another_ dangerous stunt. Before she lost her forever.

The half-latina cleared her throat. "Jade, why did you-"

"Jade!" an angry voice boomed, making the two girls jump. Tori looked up to see an auburn-haired woman storm into the room, with a dark-haired man following close behind. The man looked genuinely worried. The woman, however...

"Mom?" Jade spoke, blinking. "Dad? What are you-"

"Jade, how _could_ you?" Mrs. West shouted, grabbing the girl by the shoulders. "You had us worried _sick_. _Why_ would you do something like this, _why_?" She was shaking Jade violently, and Tori jumped up out of her seat.

"Hey! Leave her alone," she snapped, trying to pull the woman away from a now crying Jade. Mrs. West released her daughter, and then took a step back, glaring at the brunette.

"And just who do you think _you_ are?" she growled, looking Tori up and down. Disapproval was written across her features. Tori returned the glare and crossed her arms. She wasn't about to be pushed around by some woman she didn't even know. Especially not when Jade was crying and needed comfort. She just wanted to make the woman leave as soon as possible so that Jade could calm down and recover.

"I'm Tori Vega, the girl who just pulled your daughter out of the ocean," she snapped, moving closer to Jade. "I suggest you tone it down, before I call someone in here to _make_ you." Mrs. West's eyes shot daggers at the half-latina.

"Excuse me?" she scoffed, mirroring Tori's stance. "How _dare_ you-"

"Girls, _please_," the dark-haired man finally spoke. "Stop. Can't you see it's upsetting her?"

Both Tori and Mrs. West turned their heads towards the raven-haired woman, who was covering her face with her hands and quietly sobbing.

"I'm so sorry Mom," Jade wept, shaking her head back and forth. "I'm so sorry..."

"So you should be," her mother snapped, "you almost _died_."

"I wanted to," Jade mumbled into her hands. Mrs. West's eyes widened.

"What did you s-"

"I said I wanted to die!" Jade screamed, slamming her fists down on the bed. Tori jumped. "I wanted to fucking _die_, okay?" her voice shook. "I just wanted to..." She fell back against the bed and rolled onto her side, burying her face in the pillows. "I just want it to stop..."

Tori looked over at the dark-haired man. His eyes never left his daughter. There was a pained look in them, as if he felt responsible for what had happened to Jade earlier that day. Tori had met him once, a few years ago, when Jade had put on her play 'Well Wishes' at that nice little theatre neither of them could remember the name of. Back then, he had seemed almost cold and judgemental. Now, there was nothing but concern for the girl. He cared about Jade, it was plain to see. But Tori could see how hard it was for him to stand there and maintain his composure after hearing that his daughter's near-death experience wasn't actually an accident. He met Tori's eyes and gave her a sad smile before turning around and walking out the door. Mrs. West watched him leave, and then turned back to Jade.

"As soon as I've signed your paperwork, we're leaving," she informed in a cold tone. "Make sure you're ready."

On that note, she turned on her heel and left the room.

_'Bitch,' _Tori thought to herself, glowering at Mrs. West's back. Once the woman was out of sight, Tori looked down at Jade, who was trembling.

"Are you okay?" she asked. Jade looked up at her with bloodshot eyes. Fresh tears were falling down her cheeks. She shook her head.

"No," she whimpered, burying her face in her hands once more. "I let them down. I let them down again. I let Mom and Dad down. I'm such a failure."

Tori's expression softened, and she took hold of Jade's hands, moving them away from her face.

"Jade," she whispered, pressing their foreheads together, "you are _not_ a failure. Don't you _ever _let me hear you say that again, got it?" Jade squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to meet the brunette's.

"Jade, look at me," Tori pressed, touching the woman's cheek. Jade opened her eyes, staring right into Tori's.

"I can't do this anymore Tori," she murmured, dropping her head. "I just can't..."

"Oh Jade..." Tori sighed. She pulled away from the raven-haired woman briefly and climbed onto the bed, sitting beside her. Wrapping her arms around Jade, Tori pulled her in close, gently stroking her hair. It was an almost identical position to the one they were in at the beach. Tori's mind flashed back to that moment. Jade had been holding onto her so tightly that her knuckles had turned _white_. Looking down at Jade's hands, she saw that she was doing the same thing now. Her body shook with every sob that escaped her, and her breathing was becoming increasingly rapid.

"Jade, calm down girl," Tori soothed as Jade buried her face in her shoulder. "Breathe."

"I'm just so...I just...I can't..." Jade sobbed. She lowered her voice. "It hurts so much Tori."

Tori's heart broke hearing those words. Jade was in so much pain, and Tori didn't have a single clue as to what she could do to make it stop. Jade was crying, and Tori couldn't stop the tears. Jade needed someone to pull her out of the dark pit of despair that she was sinking into, but Tori didn't know how long the woman would be able to hold onto her if she offered her hand to her. Jade was suffering, and Tori felt powerless. She had no idea what it felt like to be depressed all of the time. She had no idea what it was like to want to die. She didn't know anything about how Jade was feeling, and that scared her to no end. How was she supposed to tell when Jade was contemplating suicide, if she didn't even know the signs? How was she supposed to help Jade, when Jade wouldn't reach out for help? What was she supposed to do? _How could she help_?

"Tori?" Jade whispered, making the half-latina's head snap up.

"What is it?" she asked quietly, brushing hair from the woman's face.

"Don't let me go."

Tori squeezed her eyes shut, feeling a tear slide down her cheek. She may not have been able to understand the thoughts swirling around in Jade's head; she may not have been able to make her pain go away completely, but one thing Tori Vega did know, was that when someone asked you not to let go of them, you made damn sure you held on tight.

She pulled Jade close and kissed her on the forehead.

"I won't, I promise."

* * *

Back at home, Jade's mother was furious.

"Why would you try to _kill_ yourself Jadelyn?" she demanded, throwing her hands up in the air. Jade rolled her eyes.

"Geez, I dunno Mom," she said sarcastically. "Maybe because I wanted to _die_?"

"Girls, stop it, please," Mr. West groaned, rubbing his temples. "Just stop fighting." Mrs. West turned on him.

"How can you be taking her side right now?" she shouted. "She was committing a _sin, _Jonathan. A_ sin_. She'd have been sent straight to hell-"

"Oh save it Mom," Jade growled. "You know I don't give a fuck about that shit."

"Jade!" Jonathan hissed. "Behave." Now _Jade_ turned on him.

"Now _you're _taking _her_ side?" she yelled. "Make up your goddamn mind!"

"Jade!" her mother roared. "Don't you take the Lord's name in vain."

"Fuck you Mom," Jade snapped, walking towards the staircase.

"God can help you Jade," her mother called out to her._"__Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."_

"The only salvation for me is death," Jade muttered, walking up the stairs.

* * *

When Tori reached her room, she fell onto her bed and cried. She'd never felt so scared in her entire life. The shock of the day's events finally sunk in, and a loud sob escaped her lips.

_'Why Jade?' _she thought, wiping tears from her eyes. _'Why did you do it?'_

Images danced before her eyes, images she wished she could erase from her mind permanently. Jade standing in the middle of the ocean looking defeated; Jade opening her arms and falling backwards; Jade laying on the beach unresponsive, moments away from death; Jade reaching out for her, crying. Jade, Jade, Jade.

Tori squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in her pillow, trying to forget. She didn't want to think of Jade that way. She didn't want to think about how close she'd come to losing her; she didn't want to think about how Jade had looked in that moment; she didn't want to hear Jade _begging_ for someone to allow her to die. No. She wanted to remember the strong, confident, ambitious Jade West that she and the others knew and loved. She wanted that girl back. She wanted to see Jade smile again. She wanted to hear Jade laugh again, even if it was at her own expense. She just wanted Jade to be happy again. And she was going to do whatever it took to make it happen.

_'I promise you Jade, I won't let you fall.'_

* * *

Up in her room, Jade was having another breakdown. Why didn't her parents understand? Why couldn't they see that she was in pain? Why did they never spend time with her anymore? It was as if they didn't want her around anymore; like they wished she would just disappear and stay out of their lives. They didn't want to hear about her problems, they didn't even _try _to understand. All they cared about was making her one of their "converts", as Jade put it. What good was God to her anyway? It wasn't like the guy could do anything to get rid of the voices in her head, or stop her from cutting, or from trying to take her own life. As far as Jade was concerned, her parents could shove their faith right where the sun didn't shine. She honestly didn't care. They clearly didn't care about_ her_, so why should she care about anything they had to say? They just made her _so angry_...

Before Jade realised what she was doing, she had walked over to her desk and pulled out the razor she always kept hidden in there. She stared at it for several long minutes, contemplating the thought. She had almost died today, and failed. She was still in pain. Her throat _burned_. She just wanted the pain to stop. She wanted it all to be over. Cutting herself was the only thing Jade knew anymore. It was the only thing that made sense to her. It was the only escape she had. It was the only way to keep the voices in her head satisfied...So why did she suddenly _not_ want to do it?

_'Do it,' _they whispered. _'Do it now.'_

Jade closed her eyes, trying to block them out. Trying desperately to force her hand away.

_'Do it,' _the voices repeated. _'Make the pain go away. Make it stop.'_

Jade grit her teeth and fought back tears. She had to stay strong. She had to fight back. She had to do it for Tori. Tori saved her life. She had to stay strong for Tori.

_'Listen to us...'_ they hissed.

"No."

_'_Listen _to us.'_

"No!"

_'Listen!'_

Jade listened.

* * *

**Just a quick note, for anyone who's interested. The quote Jade's mother made, ****_"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved," _****is, obviously, a Bible quote. Acts 4:12 (at least, that's what it is according to Google, I haven't actually read the Bible. If anyone has, please let me know if that's correct or not). Just felt I should mention that in case anyone was wondering.**

**I feel like there was something else I was meant to say, but it's completely escaped my mind...Oh well...**

**Next chapter- Empire (Let Them Sing), coming soon :) Stay beautiful people Xx**


	3. Empire (Let Them Sing)

**Welcome back guys. Sorry it's taken so long to update, things have just taken crazy turn after crazy turn. I know that's no excuse, and that I still should be making updates, and I really am sorry; I just haven't had a good run. Let's not worry about myself though. Let's focus on more important matters.**

**First of all I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has left reviews on this story so far. It still blows me away that so many of you are reading and responding to this. You guys are truly the best fans in the world. Thank you so much.**

**So in the time between now and my last update, a lot has happened. From slowly becoming an insomniac to saving lives to almost falling back into a dark place...yeah, a lot. On the flip side, I had an amazing time at the Paramore concert I went to a few days ago, which took the edge off for a while. Which leads me into today's discussion. No, I'm not going to talk about how amazing Hayley Williams is (even though I ****_could_****), but I ****_am_****going to use something she said to the crowd as a segway into my main speech (rant?).**

**There was a moment during the show, where she began to talk about the struggles she and the band faced over the last couple of years. Things weren't easy for them. But, they overcame those struggles and found a light in the darkness. The words that stuck with me the most throughout this speech, were the final words she spoke: "Keep on breathing, okay? Don't give up." Those words hit me a lot harder than some of you may realise. It was the spark I needed to keep on going. It really pulled me through when I needed it the most. Now, I'm passing those words onto all of you. Keep on breathing, please. I know life may be hard for you right now, but I promise you, one day, things will get better. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week even. But one day it will, and when it does, you'll look back at those days where you struggled and wonder why you were ever scared.**

**This week, I also set up two Twitter accounts (yes, it finally happened). Two? Yes, one is my own personal account, for communicating with friends, stalking (I mean following) celebrities, and whatever else. The other account, is the one that I'll be using to promote awareness on suicide and depression, because as I've said before, it needs to stop. If any of you are interested in following either accounts, please leave a comment in the reviews, or send me a PM and I'll give you the details :)**

**Speaking of Twitter, I've seen a lot over the few days that I've been on there that has just shocked me to the core. The amount of people on there who are in need of saving, who are so depressed and suicidal that it's all they can think about, all they know, it breaks my heart. Some of the pictures I've seen, the things they've said...I wish I could help them all. I wish I could take away their pain. I lie awake at night unable to sleep because I fear that something could happen to my readers, my followers, my friends and loved ones; and that if I allow myself to sleep, even for a second, I run the risk of not being there if something goes wrong and they need me. This is my reality now. So while I lie awake at night worrying, I also try to think of ways in which I can help others find their light, help them to stay strong, and to keep on fighting, keep on ****_breathing_****. I wish there was some way to keep your hearts beating forever, because I don't ever want to see any of you die. You all mean the absolute world to me, and I'll be goddamned if I let anything happen to any one of you. I love you all, and I need you all to know that. Please just see that you're all so incredibly special and important to me. I feel ****_actual_**** physical pain when I see any of you upset, I kid you not. I don't even know if I'm making sense anymore, but I hope you at least remember that. You guys keep me going. The world is a much better place with you in it.**

**The biggest shout-out in the world right now needs to be given to Metatron85 and Mysticparadise21. I swear, if you could see the dedication they've shown to me lately, you'd understand why it's so hard for me to give up. These two are just...they're the two loves of my life. My rocks. I know I could tell them anything and they would always support me. Not a day goes by where I don't speak to these two beautiful souls, and I'm pretty sure if I ****_did_**** miss a day, I wouldn't know what to do myself. So to both of you, thank you for everything. I love you more than words could ever possibly say. The darkness fades away whenever you guys are near. As long as you're standing by my side, I'll keep on fighting. **

**shadowhunterakira, don't think that I've forgotten about you. You know exactly what you've done for me lately, and it means so much. Thanks for always checking in with me and putting my mind at ease. I love you.**

**And to all of you other beautiful readers out there, keep your heads held high and your hearts pure. You deserve to be happy.**

**And now, on with the story. (I think I remembered everything this time).**

**Quick warning: This chapter contains some pretty powerful triggers, so if you're not up for it, please stop reading now. My inbox is always open so just send me a PM and I'll give you the lowdown if that's what you'd prefer. I don't want to push any of you over the edge, okay?**

**And with that out of the way, read on...**

* * *

_The wolves are at my door, but I can see the writing on the wall. The wolves are at my door, waiting for my empire to fall."_

_..._

_'It never ends,' _Jade thought, slamming back against the wall. Her hands shook as she dropped the razor blade, and watched as the blood ran down her arms, crying inconsolably. Not that anyone was there to try and console her anyway. And who would? She was worthless, she was a failure. No one cared about her anyway. Who on Earth would love Jade West? She was a broken soul; damaged goods. No one wanted a train wreck like her. Even Beck had reached a point where he could no longer deal with her, and that hurt her more than anything else. Someone who was supposed to love her, who had sworn up and down that they would be with her forever, had abandoned her. She was all alone in the world. All she had were the voices in her head and the razor by her bed. She looked down at the floor where the blade had fallen, hating herself for what she had done. She'd only ever cut herself one other time, and that was when her pet rabbit Sparky had died, six months ago. No one had known she'd hurt herself, but they _had_ called her crazy for getting upset over an animal. They just didn't understand. He was the only one who would listen to her, who would sleep with her on those lonely nights and never say a word. He had been Jade's comfort, her only ray of sunshine after the break-up, and now he was gone. She had nothing. The only person who had shown her _any_ level of sympathy for her loss was Tori. Cat had gotten a little upset, but once Robbie had spoken up said that Jade could just buy a new one, the redhead had returned to her perky, carefree self. That was when Tori had spoken up.

"So if something happened to Rex, you'd just go and find another puppet would you?" she had asked the curly-haired boy. Everyone had stared at her in shock that day. No one knew how to answer without risking a lecture from the half-latina. Jade remembered that brief moment when Tori had met her eyes; the sad smile she had given her, almost as if to say "I'm sorry." But why would Tori need to apologise to her? If anything, it should've been _Jade_ apologising to _her_. She was the one who had treated the brunette like dirt for most of their school life. Tori didn't owe her _anything_. And yet, there she was, standing up for her like she always did. Trying to help her. Much like she had done earlier today, when she had pulled Jade out of the ocean. She could've left her to die and be done with her once and for all, but no. Tori had saved her. _Tori freaking Vega _had saved her, and Jade had no idea why. Why would Tori want to save her? What reason could she _possibly_ have for wanting her alive? Since when did Tori care what happened to her? No one cared, no one. Jade was worthless; she didn't deserve anyone's care. The only thing she deserved was-

Jade screamed and pulled at her hair. It was all too much. Her mind was swimming with unwanted torturous thoughts; the voices of her demons were screaming at her to put an end to it, to make the pain stop. She found herself reaching for her razor again, despite her protesting wrists. The voice of rationality was trying to break through, trying to convince Jade that this was not the way to go, but the burn for release was stronger. For the second time that night, Jade pressed the cool metal against her bloodstained skin, forcing her way into the fresh wounds she had recently made. This had to stop, _now_. She couldn't stand to live another day feeling like this. She just wanted it to end. There was nothing left for her here. She was better off dead.

Jade took a deep breath and pulled the razor across her skin once more, crying out as the demons threw their heads back and laughed at her endless misery.

* * *

Tori couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Jade. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she had a bad feeling about the raven-haired woman. Something wasn't right. Something that went beyond the woman's near-death experience. This felt different. It was almost surreal. It was as if she somehow knew that Jade was in trouble. Maybe it was just her mind playing tricks on her. Yeah, that was it. Jade was probably asleep, recovering. She was fine. Tori had no reason to worry. Jade was definitely fi-

Her phone's ringtone began playing, and Tori snatched it off her bedside table like lightning, checking the caller id. It was Jade. Tori felt her heart stop. Had she been right? Had something happened? She prayed the answer was no. But the sinking feeling in her stomach was telling her otherwise, and it had never let her down before. For the first time in her life, Tori wished it would.

"Jade?" she whispered, pressing the connect button. She could hear the woman crying on the other end. "Jade, what's wrong?"

There was no answer. Only the sound of Jade falling apart.

"Jade? Are you okay?"

The line went dead.

"Jade?!"

* * *

Jade sank to the floor, crying until she could barely breathe. It hurt so much. She stared at her phone's screen, at the number she had just called. Tori had sounded so worried, so genuinely concerned. Had she imagined it? Tori didn't care about her did she? No one else did. Why would _she_ be any different? And yet, for some reason, when she had heard Tori's voice on the other end of the line, she had felt a small sense of comfort, as if somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that Tori _did_ care. She remembered the warmth she had felt in the woman's arms when she'd held her on the beach, and then again in the hospital, before she'd had to come back home to the place she hated. For a brief moment, she had almost felt like everything was okay. For a brief moment, she had felt hope again. And of all the people in the world, Tori Vega had been the one to make her feel it. Tori Vega, who didn't have any reason in the world to care about her. Tori Vega, who should've hated her. Tori fucking Vega. Yet for some reason, that made Jade feel happier than she had felt in a long time. No one else had held her while she cried; no one else had even bothered to check if she was okay. No one had spoken a word to her. No one but Tori.

Jade reached for her phone again. She had to make sure. She had to be certain Tori cared; that the concern in her voice was real. She needed to hear her voice, she needed to hear her say her name. She just needed Tori.

She answered on the first ring. "Jade, thank God you're okay."

Jade froze. Tori's voice. The concern. She hadn't been imagining it. Fresh tears sprang to her eyes.

"Jade? Are you okay?"

Tori cared.

"Jade?"

About her.

"_Jade?!_"

Maybe she would be okay.

"Jesus Christ Jade, answer me!"

If she didn't bleed to death first.

"Tori," the raven-haired woman answered quietly. "I did something bad." She heard Tori gasp, and then the rattle of keys and the pounding of feet sounded. Tori was running.

"I'm on my way."

* * *

**Chapter 4- Sleepwalking, coming soon. Chapter 18 of Losing Grip won't be too far away either. I'm really sorry I've been so slack with that one. I promise I'll try better to keep it up to date.**

**Later :)**


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